Confessions of a Chicago Theatre Addict

Or in other words, my misspent youth.

I’m including this image because LuPone looks fabulous. And she’s my diva. You can’t see it in this pic, but while she looks longingly off in the distance, her hamburger and glass of wine remain untouched. Clearly, she’s heartsick. And promoting her new album “The Lady with the Torch,” featuring songs about being lonely in New York. Do me a favor and pick it up when it’s released in the near future.

Now to the real reason for this blog….

I just got done watching Skating with the S*T*A*R*S. Dorothy Hamill looks great. I like how Dorothy commented to Sir John, “Are you Russian?” An inside figure skating joke, since the Russian judges are often the most crumudgeonly.

Watching Skating With the Stars reminded me of my own brush with skating stardom. You see, living in Northern MI, you are basically required to know how to ice skate from the womb. My whole family? Skaters. Naturally, mom and dad wanted their son to be a good Alpenian, so I played hockey for four years. I hated the game, and I’m convinced to this day that because my parents forced me to do something that I loathed, it has manifested itself into my strong contempt for all things sports.

At any rate, I was an amazing ice skater, but a HORRIBLE hockey player. Absolutely horrible. Perhaps as a passive-aggressive way of rebelling against my parents for forcing me into the world of pucks and knee-pads, I never grasped the point of the game. I instead filled my time skating around the rink (executing flawless crossovers, mind you) singing songs to myself. Surprising, I know. Needless to say, I wasn’t a good hockey player.

One very special day, however, I was skating and singing, and the next thing I knew, my team was rushing toward me and yelling at me. I started skating away frantically, fearing that I had done something I shouldn’t. (It wouldn’t have surprised me if I had.) However, I started getting slammed with high fives. Apparently, the puck had hit my skate blade and I shuffled it to the goal and kicked it in. Go me?

My name was in the paper, and my dad was so proud.

That was the highlight of my hockey career. Not long thereafter, mother saved me.

Side story about mom’s relationship with skating—> Mama B. basically founded the Alpena Figure Skating Club. She served as president to the club for several years and has donated her time and money to keeping the club going. She teaches figure skating on occasion and competes in adult ice dancing. It’s her biggest passion by far. END SIDENOTE

So – my mom, for whatever reason, decides to have me try my hand (foot?) at figure skating. WELL! Let’s just say I adored it. At the annual ice show, we dressed as Eskimos and skated to the theme song from “North to Alaska.” I did a spiral – unheard of for a boy my age. In Alpena.

But true to form, I quit after that year. Who knows what I could have been if I pursued…

But, as Mama Rose says, “If I coulda been, I woulda been. And that’s show business!”