Confessions of a Chicago Theatre Addict

Jamie and I interview each other:

1. Do you subscribe to/believe in astrology? If so, what’s your sign, and do you fit the standard traits of it?

Interesting question. No, I don’t think I really do. There have been far too many times that I mistakenly read the wrong sign’s horoscope, and I’m all, “That’s SO true – freaky!” But, of course, it’s not my sign. Also, when I was on the journalism team in junior high, I wrote the horoscopes in the bi-weekly newspapers. It was so easy, I’m sure the shit you read in Cosmo or whatever is written by some disgruntled editor with a glass of wine on a Friday night. Not that I read Cosmo. Shut up.

2. So – I know you’re aiming (through a regimen of daily exercise) to be able to wear a speedo in Greece later this year. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go the Borat route? Why a speedo?

To me, a Speedo represents fear and absolute exposure. It’s essentially being naked. So, in order to have drive and purpose each morning, I’m fearing myself into exercising. I’m not going to say that I’ll actually wear a Speedo, but me with my shirt off in public is a huge step.

3. Your Mom asks you to find her a wonderful, flowy ballad to ice skate to – Of course, you immediately think “Meadowlark!” But then the question arises…. which version? LuPone? Buckley? Callaway? Ripley?

First off, I bet mom wouldn’t approve of Meadowlark – the meter is a bit manic. Especially if she skated to the new-agey Buckley version. Rain sticks, tambourines and bongo drums don’t really match up with my mom’s skating style, and Patti’s scary crotch-grabbing version would make the ice crack, which we want to avoid. We need to think more along the lines of Josh Groban and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

4. Where do you hope to spend New Years 2009? And by then, what do you hope to have accomplished?

Loaded question! Jeeze!

Um, I hope to be happy and content and surrounded by a few close friends. I try to avoid making huge plans for events like this, since they usually fall apart and then disappointment sets in.

What do I want to have accomplished? I hope I’ve paid all my bills on time, I’ve done some good in the world, I’ve showered regularly, and I’m down two pant sizes.

5. How awful, truly, is it to commute to the burbs every day for work? Are the deer and cookies worth it?

The commute is difficult and makes me crazy at times, but I do enjoy my job currently, as best as a job can be enjoyed. However, I wish it was closer to home. But, based on some friend’s recent professional experiences, I’m glad to be working and healthy. And the deer freakin’ freak me out.

6. Do you like Celine Dion? I would think, with your crazes for overwhelming divas (LuPone, Buckley, Beyonce) she’d be right up your alley.

You know? I’ve never held an opinion about Celine. She’s more Linda Eder to me than Lupone or Buckley. All voice, no soul. All sass, no substance.

7. Is it nice being tall?

It has its perks! Spotting someone in a crowded bar is a cinch, the time to walk down the block to the store is cut in half with my long strides, and joining the Rockettes shouldn’t be a problem. However, sitting in theatres, planes, cars, and mostly any other public place gets unbearable quite quickly.

8. You’re given fifty million dollars to produce a Broadway revival of anything you want WITH anyone you want in it. Nothing is off-limits. What piece? What cast? What venue? Go to town, kid.

GREAT question.

Wow. Where do I start? I will revive Carrie starring Alice Ripley as Margaret and Celia Keenan Bolger as Carrie at Madison Square Garden. It would retain all the spectacle of the Broadway flop, laser beams, disco balls, Aztec staircases – you name it. And more! Fireworks, mirrors, chandeliers, Cirque du Soleil and Celine. The big prom scene would have to be restaged to have the blood actually fall from the sky on Carrie, not just poured on her head. And there would be flying – much MUCH flying. I’m SURE it would be a hit, and I’d make my investment back in weeks.

9. You’ve gained some recognition for your blogging skills. Why do you think people dig littlevoice so much? (God knows I do.)

They read it to feel better about themselves. I honesty don’t know why people would read anything I have to say! They’re obviously drunk or high.

10. If you could live someone else’s life for one day, who would it be and why?

I know the respectable answer is to choose some do-gooder or political figure. But, I think if I lived their life for a day, with my lack of experience in politics or do-gooding combined with my height and Speedos, I’d cause absolute mayhem that would take years to reverse.

So, I’m gonna say someone like Beyonce or Meryl Streep – you get anything you want, and people treat you like royalty. Who doesn’t want that?