Taking the lead from Kari, I’ve decided to interview myself, due to a grave oversight by iVillage and Billboard Magazine.
Q. You worked really hard to get the role of Deena in Dreamgirls. What did you love about it so much?
Well, I’ve always loved musical comedy, sparkles and drama, and I felt that If I’m going to try to make it, I might as well pick a part that fits me perfectly. I think I’ve done, good, don’t you? That’s not to say the casting couch felt the same.
Q. Did you have any reservations about being the girl with the bland voice in the movie?
Of course I did! Who wants to be the bland voice? I’m little voice, I told them! I certainly made my mark in Hwood, even thought I may not have gotten the part. Their loss, I say!
Q. Do you ever have arguments with your friends, like your character does with her fellow Dreamettes?
I don’t see my friends too often these days, but when I do, I’m usually drunk and singing karaoke with them, so it’s a little like a musical comedy.
Q. Do you want to do more movies now?
Hellyeah! And by more, I mean do a movie. I’m the next big thing! Hand me a paycheck and start filming. Kari can write the script.
Q. Is it true that you pigged out after finishing Dreamgirls?
Honey, I pigged out during Dreamgirls – a large, buttered popcorn, large Cherry Coke and Twizzlers – my movie-going staples. However, I recommend pacing the Cherry Coke intake during a movie – I had to piss like a racehorse from the “You’re lying, you’re lying, I’ve never been so thin!,” up until “So Hard to Say Goodbye.”
Q. Why had you wanted to lose so much weight in the first place?
Hello? Speedo?
Q. Are you taking acting classes?
I consider my life to be one large acting lesson. Where is my Oscar for “best actor in a lifetime movie?” Wait – that would go to the male version of Valerie Bertinelli. Am I the male version of Valerie Bertinelli? I need to think about this more, and it’s only 5:30 am.
Q. What keeps you balanced?
My feet and sobriety.
Q. Who are you wearing today? Your blouse is lovely.
Thank you. I don’t know. It’s out of my closet. (Actually, I didn’t even have to change the answer to this one – Ms. Knowles and I are kindred spirits, obviously).
