Confessions of a Chicago Theatre Addict

Jamie and I trade interviews. To read her responses to my questions, go here.

1. What do you think came first, the chicken or the egg? Or the omelet?

I think the Egg McMuffin came first, which morphed into a primordial chicken nugget, and then became a chicken embryo, which resulted in the first Popeye’s chicken drive through, followed by the Hummer, the Frostee, TIVO, that reality show about Playboy Bunnies, the Edens expressway construction and Oprah.

2. You’re running a Halloween 5k in October – What do you think you’ll run dressed as?

A year ago, dressing up as a runner for Halloween would have been just as ironic and ridiculous as sporting a pregnant nun costume. So, my race outfit with some added devil horns and a hula skirt should suffice.

3. You and Paris Hilton are trapped on an island. Who kills who first?

I’d like to think that I don’t have to kill anyone, and Paris eats rocks thinking they’re chocolate and chokes to death. But I’d probably kill myself first.

4. I don’t think you wear enough purple. Why is that?

You mean my purple underpants aren’t enough? There’s no pleasing you.

5. Favorite performance you’ve ever seen live in person? (My turn in Music Man doesn’t count.)

I think the performance I give in my Subaru every evening as I sing along to the radio and talk to myself in funny voices is pretty awesome.

But Patti in Gypsy at City Center and Ebersole in Grey Gardens were pretty good, too.

6. Last great book you read?

Oh lord. I’m a horrible human being, and the last book I read was a month ago. It was okay, not necessarily good, but eye-opening and shocking and entertaining in a schadenfreude sort of way. “A Piece of Cake” by Cupcake Brown.

7. How DID Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo?

It involved a dream sequence involving sex with a bag of weed, several shots of naked women, numerous jokes about self manipulation and oral sex, and Beverly D’Angelo making a special guest appearance as a madam at a call-girl ranch.

In other words, it was like The Shawshank Redemption, but classier.

8. Baubles, Bangles, or Beads?

All, please! And sewn onto a pair of entrance pajamas for SarahB (see photo). Which leads nicely to this next question:

9. Jerry Herman is writing a musical of your life. What songs does it feature?

“It’s Monday!”
“Put on your Corporate Clothes”
“Traffic Cop Gallop”
“Type Your Troubles Away”
“That’s How Dumb I Feel”
“With Toby on my Leash”
“It’s Monday: Reprise”
“Wine Heals Everything”

10. Do you think you and G will ever adopt? You’d be lovely parents.

Hell to the no. I’d be one of those parents who goes to the grocery store and leaves the kid in the car on a 100 degree day by mistake. Please keep your kids away from me.