A snore-tastic 2012 Tony Awards


I’ve watched the Tony Awards, which celebrates the best of Broadway, religiously since 1995. Overall, this year’s production wasn’t as horrid as past years, but it was far from remarkable. In fact, it was positively snore-tastic. Some thoughts from the more memorable moments:

- NPH, again, is the ideal host. Charming, energetic, quick, and a true fan of theatre. Though, he looked a touch under-rehearse this go-round compared to last year. And a touch gayer.

- The opening number took a long time to get to the point, and it didn’t help that the number kicked off with a snore when the vapid Amanda whatsherface sucked all the energy from the Beacon Theatre with her lack of any discernible talent and presence. Yet, LuPone, waltzing in pushing a lawn mower in opera gloves, heels and tea skirt, saved the day, per usual:

^ THAT is what the Tonys are about, people.

- “Fifty Shades of Gay” = best joke of the night.

- Audra McDonald’s acceptance speech, while I’m sure genuinely heartfelt, felt like a scene out of a Mommie Dearest bio-movie, right down to the camera angles and reaction from little Zoe McDonald.

- Mike Nichols looked a little…unsteady…getting to the podium. Easy there, Mikey!

- There certainly were a lot of white people accepting the Best Revival of a Musical award for The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess. I mean, I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

- The official word of the 2012 Tonys (courtesy of fellow Tony fan Jamie, who was home with a teething baby while we texted reactions during the telecast) was “snore.” E.g., “Jesus Christ Supersnore,” “Snore of a Snoresman,” “Porgy and Snore,” “Snore of Snore.” The last one, I’ll let you guess.

- This text exchange with Jamie (who’s even more out of the loop with this year’s Tony season than I, what with a new baby and all) I think succinctly describes the current state of Broadway:

Jamie: So, Peter and the Starcatcher is not a musical?
Me: No, it’s nominated for Best Play.
Jamie: Huh. And this woman who thinks she’s singing like Judy Garland isn’t nominated for best actress in a musical?
Me: Nope; she’s in a play.
Jamie: Huh. And is Hairspray being revived?
Me: No; that’s a cruise ship performance.
Jamie: Sure. Ok. (Huh?)

- The presenter ladies style assessment: Ellen Barkin apparently left the house in a wrinkled purple bed sheet (plus her overBotax gave off a Bell’s palsy vibe), Candice Bergen’s Western-meets-Indian pantsuit was more confusing and disorienting than the Leap of Faith performance; the apparently ageless Bernadette Peters’ gown looked great from the waist up, but from waist down it looked as though the petite Peters was melting into the stage; Ms. Tyler Perry needed some neck candy to offset her ego, Amanda Seyfried should promptly fire her stylist; and Mrs. Hugh Jackman (and her horrible shoes) looked like an Avenue Q puppet — specifically Lucy the Slut:

- On the other hand, Chicago’s very own Jessie Mueller looked fantastic (too bad she didn’t perform a number from On a Clear Day).

- Evita performance, which featured Ms. Ricky Martin (thankfully — if I had to endure Elena Rogers’ screeching for more than the five seconds featured in last night’s production number, I surely would have poked out my eardrums with a dull spoon). Me: “I love the musical Che.” Jamie: “We’ve made the joke ‘Livin’ Evita Loca,’ right?”

- And this.

What did you think of this year’s broadcast?

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6 Comments

  1. SO SO SO SO glad I didn’t watch it! That’s 3 hours of my life I couldn’t get back. ;-)

  2. No no no. Snorgy and Bess.

    • Snoozies?

  3. “…gave off a Bell’s palsy vibe.”

    THAT is why you are my favorite reviewer in Chicago.

    • Ha! Well, THANKS, Julie!

  4. Snorespray? It was the Tonys as anaesthesia. Witless, tasteless and tuneless. Let’s form an ad hoc committee and have all that LED moving scenery banned from Broadway, it’s an insult to live performers. And while we’re at it, let’s ban all that semi-affectionate/semi-sarcastic banter and the obligatory unfunny special musical material. This was a Tony broadcast that only a dumbed down America could appreciate.


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