My friend Jamie has an awesome book blog. Recently, she got me the most perfectest birthday gift: Amy Sedaris’ latest how-to book, “Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.” And, because it’s Jamie and me, we tried out some of the crafts, jumping feet first. Read about our efforts on Jamie’s blog.

Patty Duke's "Oscar moment" from the climactic final scene of "Valley of the Dolls"

First up: a viewing of that classic 1967 film, “Valley of the Dolls,” at the Music Box Theatre. If you know anything about me, or if you want to know anything about me, I take my VOTD quite seriously. I’ve thrown VOTD viewing parties. I’ve read Jacqueline Susann’s book. I have songs from the film’s soundtrack on my jogging playlist. I may have adopted a Helen Lawson twitter alter-ego (don’t judge me).

So, when my friend Jamie and I found out about this special viewing earlier this fall, which promised a special guest appearance with the real Ms. Neely O’Hara herself, we scrambled to get our tickets. However, the thing was instantly sold out. Harrumph. But no worries: Ms. Patty Duke “done got herself a Lifetime movie,” as Jamie emailed me one morning, “and the event has been rescheduled!” So, lucky for us, La Duke’s rescheduling allowed us to get tickets for the second time around.

We attended the 1pm showing yesterday afternoon expecting all the great cinematic moments, including:

• “Boobies! Boobies! Boobies! Who needs ‘em?”
• Barbara Parkins rolling around on a beach with seaweed in her hair
• “Oh Neely! You know how bitchy fags can be!”
• Workout montages and Gillian Girl montages
• Neely and Tony Polar singing the “Oscar Worthy” duet in the kook house
• Susan Hayward getting upstaged by an elaborate Plexiglass mobile
• Arguments concerning “run-of-the-play contracts”
• The revelation that “at night, all cats are grey”
• A barefoot Patty Duke in a slip, bra and bouffant pouring bourbon in a swimming pool to “disinfect it”
• The consequences of mistakenly wearing your second act costume for the first act
• French “art films”
• A mascara-streaked and overserved Neely invoking God by the dumpsters in another “Oscar Worthy” moment

But, this being my first time at the Music Box Theatre (for shame!), I wasn’t expecting a 30-minute pre-movie show, which included a VOTD costume parade (led by outlandish host Richard Knight, Jr., president of the Queer Film Society), a sing-a-long to the movie’s soundtrack, and special appearances by “Jacqueline Susann,” “Helen Lawson” and, of course, Patty Duke:

[Photo courtesy of Jamie.]

Look how tiny La Duke is!

Interestingly, at both the Music Box event and Miranda Sings, we were encouraged to use our digital gagetry to capture the ongoings. So, like good near-millennials, we did. I mean, how else would classic moments like this be documented for future generations? (Skip to 1:08):

[Video courtesy of Gator and his new iPhone 4 (which I bought him for his early birthday present. You're welcome, Gator).]

So, after the pre-show show, the curtain rose and the film started. And man, this audience knew their VOTD. We clapped for all the star entrances, hissed whenever anyone mentioned “Helen Lawson,” applauded heartily at the cross-your-heart necklace moment, and yelled at Barbara Parkins to “snap out of it!” whenever she offered one of her many vague camera stares. And then people just yelled at the screen. It was absolute mayhem — like watching a film with a few hundred of your funniest friends.

Following the film, La Duke came back onstage for a Q&A, and proved what a true spitfire she is. She talked about what a horror it was working on the movie (due to director Mark Robson’s abrasive on-set attitude), and how she genuinely thought she was making a serious, Oscar-worthy film. Surprise! She also thanked the gay community more than once for allowing her to no longer feel ashamed about her work on the film. She’s a real chatter box, and it seemed like she could have gone on for hours if we didn’t have to clear out for the 5pm film.

After a quick (and very tasty) dinner at Cullen’s Bar and Grill (get the onion rings!), Jamie and I fought our way through the crowd leaving the Northwestern-Illinois game at Wrigley Field and hopped in the car up to head up to Highland Park for some “Miranda Sings.”

‘Miranda Sings’ at The Music Theatre Company
As I noted in my recent interview with Miranda creator Colleen Ballinger, I’ve been a fan of Miranda’s (a “Mirfanda”) since I discovered her YouTube videos early last year. So, it was a real treat to see her bring this unique character to a live audience. A very young (and sold-out) audience, I might add. I would guess the average age in the 100-seat Music Theatre Company space was around 17. At one point in the show, I pointed out to Jamie that nearly everyone had a camera or smart phone out documenting the event. One kid was even “live blogging.” Instantly, Jamie and I felt both strangely old and technologically under-represented.

But back to the show. The young Ballinger demonstrated that’s she’s a true comedienne, capable of fully committing herself to the endearingly aggravating quirks of her YouTube counterpart for the entire 1.5 hour show. Miranda is cocky, abrupt, awkward, self-absorbed, oblivious and completely entertaining. But it wasn’t just all bad singing, awkward mugging and facial ticks. She read emails from her “haters,” sang duets with a few golden-voiced male performers (which were really just Miranda solos interrupted by someone else), and gave a ridiculously egregious voice lesson to a talented young performer named Malynda Hale (who has her own popular YouTube channel. Don’t we all?). In other words, her character really shines when she interacts with others.

And then, in my favorite part of the evening, she showed us her “fifth threat” (she’s already a singer, actress, dancer and model): magic. I could attempt to describe her magic talents,  but one of the eager Mirfanda’s recorded it last night:

Brilliant.

I will say that the 1.5 hour running time was just enough, and I appreciated that she sang only two-minute segments of each number (with Will Buck providing expert piano accompaniment). Any more, and I would have been over it. And I do think Ballinger could have introduced a few more props and costume changes into her performance. But, overall, a very fun evening.

This weekend I finished the most remarkable book: “Room”, by Emma Donoghue. I learned of this book through my friend Jamie’s awesome and informative new blog, Such a Book Nerd.

It’s hard to talk about this book without giving away major plot points (and the video below does a nice job setting it up). What I can say is it’s one of those reads that stays with you, and makes you reexamine your environment. Read it.

The only snafu was three minutes before the ceremony, Jamie dropped chocolate on her dress (!), which smeared when I picked it off (!!). However, she had Tide to Go (otherwise known as a “Tide pen”) in her bag, and it worked like an absolute charm. Seriously: Tide saved the day. I think Tide could use this for their marketing efforts, no? Strike while the iron’s hot, I say!

Jamie wrote a thorough recap of events here. Things she didn’t mention where how BEAUTIFUL she looked, and how nervous I was that I’d lose the ring or drop her flowers or pass out, etc. Also: my toast to the new couple went off well, I must say. I’d rather eat glass than speak in public, but I planned ahead. Also didn’t hurt that I quoted a lyric from the musical Brooklyn. After all: what’s a wedding toast without a few trite lyrics from a show two Broadway dorks have used as a punchline for years?

Professional pictures are coming soon, but here are a few of my favorite shots by others:

Who knew the role of Male of Honor (MOH) would be so crafty? Lucky for all of us, it is — because I’m one crafty bitch. To exemplify:

Shower spread:

Cupcakes:

Pretties:

Rehearsal Bouquet:

…and now to work on that speech…

EDIT (5/6/10): I also saw the show and wrote my thoughts on it here.

Hephaestus: A Greek Mythology Circus Tale, currently running in the Owen Theatre space at the Goodman Theatre, is a visual feast to behold.

This production, a re-mounting of a collaboration between Lookingglass Theatre and Silverguy Entertainment, took my breath away.

Literally. Without spoiling anything, I honestly did not breathe for a good five minutes during the climax of the show. (You have to see it to believe it.)

The central idea is simple: tell the story of Hephaestus (the Greek god of blacksmiths, metalwork, and technology) through the eyes of a little girl, complete with tightrope walkers, aerialists and other circus performers. I’m sure many people left the show comparing it to Cirque du Soliel, which is a very apt response. The artistry on display in Hephaestus could rival any Cirque production, and many of the cast members come from backgrounds ranging from the Cirque to Ringling Bros.

(I will not mention Banana Shpeel…I will not mention Banana Shpeel…)

Not up on your Greek Gods? Here’s the quick version:

Zeus and Hera had a baby, Hephaestus, but Hera tossed him of Mount Olympus. He kept falling for years, finally landing in a Siren’s cove with broken legs sustained from his landing. In the cove, he discovers the ability to create anything he wants, and goes to work making amazing things, including gorgeous jewelry. Hera, watching from the heavens, sees this jewelry and calls him back to Mount Olympus, where he makes her a throne that traps her. A smart lady, Hera bribes Hephaestus to let her go by promising him a bride that will cause everyone jealousy — Aphrodite. In love, Hephaestus lets Hera go and takes his place atop Mount Olympus.

Creator and Director Tony Hernandez plays the title role, and is excellent as the figure around which everything else happens. Young Tatiana Ranallo (one of two girls who rotate in the role of the Narrator) provides innocent eyes to guide the audience through everything happening, and she has a lovely singing voice as well.

The audience at opening night of Hephaestus often broke into applause and catcalls as these skilled performers continued to perform death-defying and other incredible acts. Perhaps the most enjoyed act of the evening was the Risley act performed by the Anastasini Brothers which had the audience gasping and whooping. In addition, the astonishing displays of aerial skill by Almas Meirmanov (as Ares, the god of War) and Erendira Vazquez Wallenda (as lovely Iris) were appreciated by the attentive audience.

As for the breath-taking climax I mentioned earlier… without spoiling anything, I can honestly say it was the single most impressive thing I have ever seen accomplished onstage, hands down. The audience re-paid the daring performers with an immediate and thunderous standing ovation.

See this show.

There’s no way you could regret your evening.

“Hephaestus: A Greek Mythology Circus Tale” is currently playing at the Goodman Theatre in the Owen. More info here >

And I was completely touched and deeply honored.

Now, seven months later, with the bridal shower only a few weeks away (yikes!) and the wedding only a little over a month away, what have I learned so far?

1) Oriental Trading Company is your friend.

2) Beau-coup.com is another good site, though pricey.

3) People never RSVP for anything.

4) Include gift registration info in the bridal shower invites. Even though Jamie and Eric have it on their wedding site and included this info in their wedding invites, most people need to be hand held.

5) Handmade shower invites seem like a good idea at the time.

6) When in doubt, bridal shower bingo!

7) Free maps and brochures to put in out-of-town guest bags can be found at the Chicago Cultural Center, though they will scold you as you are only allowed two brochures a piece; but just show them your pouty-face, and they will stop scolding.

8) It’s much easier to plan a bridal shower when you have a theme — as lame as that theme may be.

9) Avoid the Chicago Bridal Expo! like the plague.

10) You think you have all this time to plan, and before you know it: it’s here! Plan early, order supplies early, get your sh*t together.

I’ll share more tips as the date approaches. I’m learning as I go.

Some background: While a theatre snob, I’ve always had a soft spot for Phantom. It’s the first musical I fell in love with, and you never forget your first love. (It never dies, or so I’m told.) When ALW announced he was working on a sequel, theatre mavens around the world, including me, were all a twitter. When details of the plot were revealed last summer, we had an absolute field day predicting what the new sequel would look like (read here.) It’s no secret that ALW has been struggling for a hit show, and Love Never Dies is his latest (and perhaps last?) desperate attempt.

Here’s the lovely Sierra Boggess, who’ll play Christine in the sequel’s premiere, performing the title tune:

And here’s Dame Kiri Te Kanawa performing…the same song with different lyrics…over a decade earlier.

But, really, all ALW starts to sound the same over a while…so who really can tell anyway?

(Thanks to Jamie for directing me to the first clip!)

That’s what my darling Jamie texted me a few days ago to inform me that the Bridal Expo 2010 had a recommended dress code. While I decided to leave the pearls at home, I did wear a blazer and button-down shirt — dressing to impress, as any good MOH should. (As I ecstatically shared a few months ago, I’m Jamie’s Male of Honor.)

So! A “luxury, ultra high-end” wedding exposition! Fancy. I imagined breathtakingly decorated booths with friendly vendors dolling out fabulous swag and free champagne delivered by cute waiters in tuxes. Perhaps add some cascading flowers and towering ice sculptures, with a string quartet playing in the corner? And don’t forget about the cake samples! Mountains of cake samples. A low-key, yet high-energy event: that’s what “luxurious” and “ultra high-end” mean to me. At the most basic level.

What we got instead where long, disorganized lines, a mob of VIBs (Very Important Brides) scrambling to see every vendor possible in order to meet some crazy requirement to win the expo’s Grand Prize, and a clusterfuck of a venue that seemed more interested in pushing you along like feted pigs ready for the slaughter than allowing you to peruse and mingle. And let’s not forget the slurring* wedding gown designer who presented his new line at the “fashion show.”

Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING, was high-end or luxury about this event. NOTHING.

Buyer beware, I say. I knew my pearls would be better-served elsewhere.

But, the drinks and laughs afterward with Jamie, Eric and Jamie’s mother, Mavis, made up for all of it.

(*Edit 1/27/10: I’ve no proof that the guy was intoxicated — that was just our initial impression. Maybe he was simply nervous? And red-nosed? Who knows? At any rate: it was uncomfortable to witness.)

So, imagine my surprise when she hands me a barrel full of monkeys to open, and in it was a note asking me to be her Maid of Honor (Male of Honor we’re calling it — there’ll be no drag on my behalf, much to my mother’s relief).

A true surprise, and I’m deeply honored and touched. If any of you former Maid of Honors have any advice – any! – please comment below.

Mavis was armed, as always, with her camera to document this event:

"Do you want to be my....maid...of...honor?!?!"

"AWWW! YES I DO, YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

Let's shake on it?

"Wait. That did say 'Maid of Honor' and not 'maid for hire'..."

"Um...so bachelorette party at Sidetrack? Showtune night?"

Seriously. I, along with Dan — Eric’s best man — are going to see to it that Jamie and Eric’s wedding is the best, most fabulous wedding ever.