Why some people shouldn’t be theatre critics

While I’m no Frank Rich or Chris Jones by any stretch of the imagination, I’d like to think I’m better at this than some people. As a prime example – this review.

Because I just can’t contain myself, let’s red pen it, shall we?

While I liked the score that sounds more like a film underscore than show tune music (Yes, all musicals must adhere to a specific style of music. Rather — let’s just do Crazy for You in rep for eternity!), I think the lyrics don’t sit on the melodies of several songs. The lyrics and the music seem to fight one another (I’m sorry — didn’t you just start this paragraph saying you liked the score? I’m confused now.). The orchestrations made several song lyrics hard to understand (I like that he has to specify “song lyrics.” Not to be confused with “scene lyrics” or “dance lyrics,” you know. Also, turn up your hearing aid! The sound was not an issue — in fact, it was TOO loud for my tastes.). The operatic tone and the singing in Italian gave the show a stuffy tone rather than a romantic one (Really? Opera and Italian aren’t romantic? It’s almost a cliché how romantic these two things are. Also: I’m glad you review theatre. It seems your interests in the arts span a very wide horizon.). Mary Ernster as Margaret delivered a commanding performance and Max Quinlan fine voice and winning charm made Fabrizio a lovable character (“Max Quinlan fine voice and winning charm” is a rather long name, don’t you think? Oh! He forgot an ‘s. Got it.). Summer Smart’s Clara exuded sensuality and vulnerability. The several strong romantic ballads gave the show a most romantic flare (Um – ok? So…it *is* romantic, then…?). Gene Weygandt and Paula Scrogano (it’s Scrofano) were terrific as the Naccarelli’s (No apostrophe needed, moron.). Sasha Vargas and Peyton Royal added to the atmosphere as the street dancers (You reviewed the street dancers, but not Jennifer T. Grubb, who had a featured role? In addition, the “dancing” was laughable.).

I feel much better now. Thank you.

4 thoughts on “Why some people shouldn’t be theatre critics

  1. I read this review online also, and shook my head. You left out the lamest part, about how he didn’t really enjoy it but the audience seemed to.

  2. There’s lots of head shaking on my part from this guy’s reviews.

    Another classic is his review of “Hedwig” at ATC. He notes:

    “I must confess that I’m not a fan of drag shows…”

    …And then goes on to infer the Berlin Wall came down…in the 60s.

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